Log in

reflection of a walking shadow [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ website | My Website ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Apocalypse Now [Jul. 2nd, 2007|01:40 am]
"Our motto..."

This movie has been on my mind recently, and I finally re-watched it. This is my reaction:

What the photojournalist says about loving and hating people, it's more broad than that, but still as black and white. It's not about loving or hating someone, but our reaction to the world, and there are only two ways to survive. One either faces the world, stares into the gaping beauty and violence and purity in the utmost insanity (distilling out all the bullshit and deception), or one completely disconnects, reverting back to the state of a child. Perhaps this only applies to a Western philosophy.
Trying to make sense of the world won't work because the world will not make sense. Trying to simply live through it eventually catches up with you, and you are ill prepared to make the decision to face the world or disconnect. In either case, you die (untimely, for the sake of argument).
But whether you face the world or become like a child, you lose part of yourself. Perhaps the decision is not whether to look at the world, but which part of yourself you will lose.

I suppose I choose to lose my soul.
link1 blank look|Afraid of Tomorrow?

(no subject) [Feb. 8th, 2007|04:51 am]
I'm tired, but I don't really want to go to bed because I know I should get more work done, but when I start doing work I nod off. I can't tell if the audio I'm working on is good or still shitty, so it's likely best to stop.

I am fucking nervous. I've already gotten a couple rejection letters from internships, and I'm anxious about fucking up getting the job (if there is one) in Connecticut. Otherwise, things are fucking daisies.

I think I'm actually much more nervous about various things than I regularly admit, to myself or anyone.... It's a chink in my armor, I suppose. I've been getting those washes of nervous nausea here and there. But making some good photos and having fun while doing it, so it pretty much balances out. Until the summer comes and I've got no internship.

My boss asked if I wanted to stay here another year, which is not the first thing I want to do with my next year 'in the business,' though it could be beneficial--provide a base to work from to build contacts that help me get a job.

I don't really know where this is going.
...'guess that's a good place to stop.
linkAfraid of Tomorrow?

(no subject) [Aug. 27th, 2006|01:33 am]
In the midst of all the hubbub about photo manipulation in Lebanon, I stumbled upon this: http://www.aish.com/movies/PhotoFraud.asp

And wrote this to the webmaster of aish.com:
To whom it may concern at aish.com:

I recently viewed your "Photo fraud in Lebanon" flash movie linked from the photo section of your website. There certainly seem to be some questionable images or organization that you cite in the movie. What concerns me, however, are the presumptions and implications that you raise in the course of the movie--suggesting that no media organizations can be believed, that journalists intentionally alter their photos in an effort to influence public opinion of Hezbollah, or that Mickey Mouse is not an internationally recognized and marketed image that could be expected to be found in a child's collection of toys--or what remains of them. Your movie is clearly aimed at a Jewish market--as is much of your website--and has the effect of implying that mass media is anti-Semitic. This implication is ignorant, and your movie claiming misinformation is itself misinforming. Unfortunately you do not have the good sense to put those photos into context, at the very least by providing caption information and photographer credit with every photo you have cited. Perhaps some of the photos you use are in fact photo illustrations, intentionally set up by the photographer to illustrate a point, and captioned appropriately. Of course, as you are not a news organization, one can hardly expect you to give fair exposure to information that may disprove or dispute your agenda, but without even the context of full captions a simple viewer may assume that you are unabashedly biased. It may also be fair to tell your simple viewer that most of the sources that you list at the end of the movie are conservative, generally anti-media, opinion-oriented blogs.

Ultimately, journalists lying through false words or manipulated photos is damaging to the profession and, as you have pointed out, misinforming to the public that they serve. Poorly researched movies such as the one on your site are also damaging to the profession of journalism and, as you have pointed out, misinforming to the public that you serve and that now, as a result of your movie, make general and generally incorrect assumptions about journalism and what journalists do.

T.J. Kirkpatrick

I'm not sure what I expect to come of this, or what inspired me to write it.
Watching that bullshit really pissed me off, and as the site is not quite as much of a blog as the sources that are used for the movie, I felt that writing it might actually mean something to the person who reads it.
Also, I am nervous and antsy about buying a Mark II, and kind of having trouble convincing myself to go to sleep.
link1 blank look|Afraid of Tomorrow?

nothing like dizzy sickness to chear me up [Aug. 15th, 2006|05:04 pm]
While looking for features I made a few frames of a young boy playing in the surf with his dog. Not a bad feature.
I went up to his mother, who was collecting the rounded glass that washes up on shore in some places...she had a lot of clear pieces in her bag, which was something of a rare find in california when I was younger. She seemed annoyed at my presence, and made a point of ignoring me until I haunched down beside her and said hello, who I am, and I made a nice photo of your son playing with your dog and was curious whether I could get his name for a caption.
"You want a feature?" she asks, looking me in the eye for the first time, "Ask him about his younger brother who died of cancer eight months ago."

Not that I could really say this to her face, but I would have gladly been here eight months ago to tell the story of her loss. Somehow, that thought doesn't come across in my "I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for your time." response that sounded like poison.

An hour or so later, after running into the inevitable camera-shy, newspaperphobic individual, I was riding on one of those playground spinny things that always made me sick, photographing several kids hanging off the side having the fucking time of their lives. I left the playground laughing and dizzy.
link1 blank look|Afraid of Tomorrow?

A few things: [Jul. 25th, 2006|11:20 pm]
This is where I liveCollapse )

And this is what I did yesterday morningCollapse )

On the whole, things are going very well.
link2 blank looks|Afraid of Tomorrow?

(no subject) [Jun. 24th, 2006|09:43 pm]
so... photojournalism awards are pretty cool.
link4 blank looks|Afraid of Tomorrow?

(no subject) [Jun. 21st, 2006|10:21 am]
I wrote this last night at the paper, I think around midnight:

Today was fucking awesome.
A welcome and telling reverse from yesterday.

I had to take my car to the shop to get a safety test performed, lest my license is suspended (I just transferred my registration to RI). The test ended up costing $200 and change, what with my worn brake rotors and rear tire. I had to drop my car off at the only place that could take it today, with the guarantee that it would be done some time in the afternoon. Luckily it was a slow afternoon, with only a feature, a graduation, and a night baseball game on my schedule. I ended up walking around for several hours, waiting for my car to get worked on. I wandered around neighborhoods that made me think somewhat of dorchester and Eugene Richards--places that would be difficult to watch for features if in a car. I saw a girl practicing color guard routines in her backyard, and talked with her and some friends for bit after making a couple frames of a flag in the air. People can be so fucking great sometimes.

I then walked down to the beach (which took something like half an hour) and ended up finding some guys skim boarding (I miss that so fucking much!) and got my feet, shoes, and pants very wet, but came away with a nice feature. I also want to spend the rest of my summer mornings on a skim board.... I also got to talk with some kids about life as a photog: "Do you make very good money as a photographer?" "No, I'm barely making a living." My summary: "Look at this: it's a gorgeous day, I'm getting exercise, meeting awesome people, and not stuck in a fucking office. I couldn't ask for a better life."

The rest of the day was pretty cool, too, but that is really what made it for me. And the fact that my feet are still wet.
Need to finish editing.
link1 blank look|Afraid of Tomorrow?

point that fucking finger up your ass [Jun. 11th, 2006|03:50 pm]
[mood |chipperchipper]
[music |Tool-"Hooker with a Penis"]

Another graduation today, with a twist.
One of the teachers tripped on the way out of the school, fell hard on to concrete after tripping over a rather large crack in the walkway.
I'm watching the procession march out of the school toward the tent where the ceremony was held, and suddenly people are running in my direction shouting "get a paramedic."
In the words of that "poparatzo" from the simpsons episode about Bobo, Mr. Burns' bear, "What a scoop!"

I walked toward the woman who had fallen, surrounded by fellow teachers or administrators, and made a few frames from about 30 feet away. I walked a few steps closer as the paramedics got there, and moved to get the paramedic's face clearly in the frame--you know, people helping people and such. Still about twenty feet away, an administrator/teacher walked up to me to tell me that I didn't want to take that picture. About that time, hecklers in the crowd started shouting similar remarks, with a few derrogatory comments about the Daily News. I assumed they were not avid readers of our particular brand of uncaring, in-your-face-with-a-wide-angle-and-a-flash type of journalism. With any luck, I ruined their experience at the graduation ceremony. This makes me very interested in a story about the people who so passionately hate the Daily News, who shoot me dirty looks when they overhear that I shoot for the Daily News. But then again, I am sickly humored by provoking illogical and close-minded people...or I just find stupid people very amusing. Reductio ad absurdum sounds like ever so good a life motto for these times.
link5 blank looks|Afraid of Tomorrow?

(no subject) [May. 30th, 2006|10:31 pm]
Do you want to know what makes me preposterously excited?
Making this.
Which is what I did today.
link1 blank look|Afraid of Tomorrow?

the daily grind [May. 14th, 2006|11:00 am]
One person can ruin a day.
This almost happened during the DNC, when some old fuck came up to me as I was covering a protest march and told me not to take anyone's picture because everyone in the march was an anarchist and did not want their picture taken/printed. I nearly flipped when he said that to me, and ended up walking off completely pissed--the march was pointless to me, I was so furious. But I realized that some old fuck with backwards ideas shouldn't piss me off so much, and forced myself to change my attitude.
I'm having difficulty doing to same right now, having just covered the Mother's Day 5K/Family Fun Run, and was told by a runner passing by, "Don't take my picture or you'll end up in the obits." I didn't realize that I was defiling the man's very soul.... What. The. Fuck.
Almost everyone else I spoke with was smiles and goddamn sunshine, and happy that the paper was covering the event... except for this fucker, who is all that I am focusing on right now. Yes, I'll get over it, but did he really need to oh-so-cleverly threaten my life?
link2 blank looks|Afraid of Tomorrow?

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]